At first glance – to an outsider – it looked like I was meant to be there. A part of the group, one of the crowd, in on the jokes. On closer inspection you would notice some small inconsistencies. Seven people – three couples and a spare. A laugh always a second behind – a questioning look that would bring an explanation of some long ago adventure being retold.
No matter how welcoming and hospitable your hosts – you are still the odd one out. It makes me wonder when I chose this path – where every day seems to involve more small talk, being on my best behavior and trying to find a place to fit in ever new social circles to which I have no history or ties. It is … tiring. I am not sure though – whether once you leave your known world – snip the ties that bind you to the everyday goings on in your friends and families lives, whether you can get that back. How long do you need to stay in a place – a job – a town – to begin to move to the same tune as those whose circles you have entered?
Self talk – we do it all the time. Constantly. Whether you are in the grocery store reading labels and deciding which sliced meat to buy, or driving in the car shaking your head and silently questioning exactly why that hat wearing Volvo driver just pulled out right in front of you. *tsk tsk*
People take courses in meditation to try and find a way to silence that inner voice – even if just for 5 minutes – yet those words…. they are questions, ponderings, statements, wisdom…. they are all the things that are REALLY running through your head! Occasionally you will put your hand over your mouth with a gasp ‘did I just say that out loud?’ hoping that IF you did indeed mutter some inner truth it wasn’t loud enough to be heard by the masses!
There is a particular restaurant in my home town of Brisbane called Jo-Jo’s. I love it – situated on the second floor at the intersection of a large pedestrian mall in the middle of the city. I can sit there with hot and cold beverages and some snacks and people watch to my hearts content on those milling about below. I will imagine what they have been doing that day which has brought them to that place under my gaze. I will see a conversation between people that has been put on mute – you can see the body language and the expressions – but no words. I have one or two friends that make up the BEST conversations – we put the words over the top of the scene. Which most of the time is hilarious – but other times, for whatever reason – the words take a sad or tragic turn. Like every scene fleshes itself out.
I think we all have scenes, opening chapters, happy endings and sad farewells in our self talk. We may be reliving a past love, missing an absent friend, wishing for a different decision at a crucial moment in time. I have those all the time. Sometimes just a sentence – sometimes a paragraph. It can be a lead in to moment – it can be a character that is asking to be fleshed out, made real, sent on an adventure.
This blog is all about those words – those characters. I want to capture them – perhaps one day the sentence will become a chapter – the character a novel, the adventure a best seller. Or, perhaps it will be you that fleshes it out. If you do – give me a dedication!
I have had a camera surgically attached to my hand – so I will be – on occasion – attaching my vision of the book cover.
As you are reading you will be speaking to yourself. What are you saying? Share it with me.