We sometimes take it for granted. Actually – most of the time we take it for granted… waking up. Tomorrow. Next week. Next month. Life sometimes feels so easy… sometimes soo hard, that we never ever even contemplate that we might actually be living our last hours. That our loved ones might be on their last conversations.
It’s hard to hear that someone has passed on. Excruciating when they are close and personal, hard when they are friends and just plain heartbreaking when they are acquaintances. Ones that you really liked but for whatever reason you never got to the point of moving beyond acquaintance, and now you never will. Minutes ticked by, moments passed and the opportunity never came to fruition.
Today I heard through a chance communication that someone I admired and respected had passed away recently. Someone younger than me. Married, absolutely happy with her love and a mother to a three week old baby girl. She had said to others on several occasions, ‘when it’s your time, it’s your time’. We say that – but do we ever really mean it? The consequence of dying is just so … immense. I don’t think we can ever really comprehend it. We won’t get the full impact until it is upon us – and by then it’s too late. When it’s my time …. I’m not ready for it to be ‘my time’. I want my ‘time’ to be NOW. Not then.
I’m sure my friend won’t be offended when I say that what brought the hot tears to my eyes was not the ‘passing on’ per se… but the thought of her daughter. Never knowing her mother. Never having the memory of a Mother’s hug. Her Mothers smell. Her Mothers smile. I can remember as a toddler the image of my own Mother’s face up close to mine with a smile on it. A giggle in my ear mixed with a hug, A Mother’s commiseration and support when a young life brings the dissapointment of a bad grade, a broken heart, a missed goal. This particular little girl will have the most devoted father a girl could wish for. She will have the love and support of countless family members and friends. She will be loved and adored and enfolded within strong arms that will let nothing come between them. But I am leaking tears at the loss of a Mother/Daughter relationship that will never be known. I am crying for something that never got the chance to exist.
My own life would be nothing without my Mother, and I dedicate by proxy part of that relationship to this little girl who will never have that innate joy. That deep seated sense of a Mother’s acceptance. I know in reality it is too soon – but I hope her father finds that his life moves back towards love and that the woman who comes in is worthy of the love and dependency this baby will bring.
There are days in life that just end … sad. While I am sitting here mourning the loss of a life that had so much more to give, I am selfishly hoping that I will wake up tomorrow. That I can continue to live and laugh and take advantage of every moment, every experience, every day. I feel that we owe it to them. To those who were taken before we wished, before they were ready. If we are still here, still breathing – then we owe it to them – to LIVE.
Goodbye myfriend. Rest in Peace. Feel free to look in over us every now and then. Don’t laugh too hard at our mistakes – now that you are privy to the secrets of the universe and all…